Wheel Spring

Change of plan

2010-07-04T08:58:00.002-07:00

Happy 4th of July all! My trip to Joann's didn't go entirely as planned, because when I got there I found that they had a brand of really yummy soft deep purply blue bamboo/wool blend yarn on sale. So I bought it instead of the cotton/acrylic blend that is recommended for the bag I wanted to make. The salesperson at Joann's said that the yarn that I bought won't be as sturdy as the one yesterday's pattern calls for, and since I tend to really use and abuse my purses pretty badly, it seems like a wiser decision to just make something else. I will save the bag for another day, and make this fun little shrug instead. I know, I said that it's too disgustingly hot to make anything to wear, but we all know that when it's hot outside in Arizona, that usually means it's freezing cold inside. So I'll likely get a chance to use it this summer anyway when I'm freezing my arms off at the office or in a movie theater. Anyway, I will post updates as the project progresses.

Fresh Produce Bag

2010-07-03T12:50:00.004-07:00

Okay, this crochet project is a little ambitious for me. The website says the pattern is easy+, but I think it's probably the biggest project I've ever attempted. I'm going to go buy the materials today, wish me luck!

New Template

2010-07-02T19:49:00.004-07:00

Once again, rather than doing a real post of anything important, I'm just changing the template. I'm trying not to infer any life themes out of that... :) I like this one better because it has the same blue and orange Western bluebird colors, but the images are a little more soothing.

So, here are the basics: Tracy is out of town, and I'm struggling hard against falling into the sins that come when I'm alone and lonely. I got a C in my summer course that recently concluded. Um...yay, I passed? Wanting to do better in my new course, but seeing as I'm writing this blog partially to avoid doing a paper which is already two days late, this could be a rough 8 weeks for me. On the positive side, this was the first day of a four day holiday weekend for me, which will give me time to catch up on class work, time with God, time with people, and sleep. I'm hoping to head over to Joann's tomorrow to get some yarn and maybe a project book. It's way too hot to crochet any clothing, but I've been thinking about trying some of these little Amigurumi crocheted stuffed animals that I've seen patterns for online. Or I may get the materials for a storage sac to contain the hoard of plastic bags that seems to be breeding underneath our kitchen sink. Whatever I get, hopefully it will give me material for future blogging posts.

Looking up

2010-05-31T13:26:00.003-07:00

Still nothing very profound to say, but I just wanted to update quickly for anyone that reads this blog that I'm feeling a little more at peace. I've made some decisions that will change the course of my day-to-day life for the better, I think, and generally allow me to take care of myself in a genuine way instead of just numbing out to the things that are hard for me. I'm once again trying to find some dreams that I can actually reach for in the present, and praying that God will help me get out of my head and into my heart, where I'm more in touch with what I want and why I feel the way I do.

Nothing profound

2010-05-29T14:04:00.003-07:00

The last few days have been really hard for me. My body has been acting up at work in a way that is potentially really embarrassing, and I guess all I can thank God for is the fact that nobody has noticed yet, as far as I can tell anyway. I'm really tired of being such a downer! It's terrible. I feel like this experience with paralysis should have created some kind of profound insight in me, but it hasn't. I'm just sick and tired and in pain and I want everybody to get away from me with all their suggestions about how I could make my life better if I would just... whatever. I'm really, really angry and I feel abandoned, judged and condemned by people and by God. I suppose it's unrealistic to expect that people will just have unending grace for me when I'm moody and I'm checked out of life a lot of the time. I know I haven't had a lot of grace for people in similar situations. I guess all I can really do is scream into my pillow and try as much as possible to avoid being a bitch and taking everyone's head off.

Say hello to the newest member of our family!

2010-05-19T19:27:00.002-07:00

This is Bo, Tracy's new Weenie Dog. He's so cute! I love him. He likes to lick your face, and as you can see, he's generally a pretty mellow little guy.

In other news, my new job is going pretty well. It's a little bit weird working again, trying to adjust to a new schedule and new environment with all the bodily issues that come with my disability. But overall I'm really enjoying being back at the Cancer Society and generally feeling pretty hopeful about my summer.

Job update

2010-05-01T17:39:00.001-07:00

For those of you who have been following my attempts to get a job, it is now official: I start at the American Cancer Society on May 18. Yay!

Red hat

2010-04-27T21:26:00.003-07:00

I will admit, I have a not-so-secret obsession with unusual hats. And lucky me, I know how to make them! Here's one I crocheted recently. The bow was an inspiration from another brimmed hat that I own. Unfortunately I probably can't wear this one until winter, but the "inspiration hat" is perfect for shading my face from the summer sun.

Dinky little blue recorder

2010-04-13T11:17:00.004-07:00

My friend Laelia recently started playing the recorder for her band Lemon Abbey, and that reminded me how much I enjoyed playing it when I was in elementary school, and how much I loved playing clarinet when I got a little older. So I went to the Folk Shop the other day and bought a dinky little blue one for $8.99. I've been playing some of the English folk songs and such that I've been able to find online. Plus, since the recorder is such a straight-forward type of instrument, it's pretty easy to figure out how to play on it some of the songs I already know how to sing.

Santa Rita Abbey

2010-04-01T13:59:00.004-07:00

Last weekend I went with my friend Lori on a retreat at Santa Rita Abbey, which is a bit less than an hour south of Tucson. The time there was really rich for me and it would be difficult to unpack it all into a single blog post. But basically God challenged me with some pretty awesome truths about who I am and how I'm supposed to influence the world. It will definitely be an uphill battle trying to fulfill what I believe He said about what He wants for me in life, especially coming out of more than a year of sadness and inaction. I've gotten stuck in a rut and I'm not really sure how to climb out of it. If you think of it, pray for me that I will find good ways and times to live into the identity that God has given me, and to be okay with taking wrong turns and making mistakes along the way.

Limp and Wrung Out, but Hopeful

2010-03-25T11:27:00.002-07:00

I am slowly starting to feel better. I had Pilgrim Group (my church's take on Bible Study) last night and I shared some of my struggles and felt encouraged by my sisters from my church family. I think I often get stuck in believing the lie that it's not okay to share my issues about my paralysis. When I was first injured, it seemed like all people wanted to hear was how well I was doing, and I think I've processed that as I'm disappointing people or making them uncomfortable if I tell them that I'm NOT doing well at the moment. It often makes people shut down when they hear my struggles because they just don't know what to say. Questions like, 'Why did God allow me to get into a car accident that left me paralyzed?' don't have any easy answers, because the truth is tragedies like the one I experienced are beyond the scope of human comprehension.

It's not like that wasn't equally true last night, but what helped was that one of my friends was willing to openly say, "Kelsea, I don't know how to encourage you in this. I don't know how anything I say can help you. All I can tell you is that you have impacted me positively in the way I've seen you deal with your injury. But you're human, so of course this hurts." That DOESN'T change anything, but it does at least remind me of one of the things that God has told me about my accident, which is that He specifically made us as humans to be sensitive to things like this. He gave me a living heart that lets me cry and mourn when I think about how I can't dance or hike or go river rafting the way that I used to. And He feels sad with me too.

Rough days

2010-03-23T11:15:00.004-07:00

Soooo...I don't really know where to start. The last few days have been really hard. I have no money, to the point where I avoid leaving the house because I can't afford the gas. I still haven't gone to the doctor about an illness that I've had for weeks now, because I'm afraid of doctors and I don't like having to explain to them how being paraplegic works. I keep falling on the floor while I'm getting out of bed, and the other day I stubbed my toe when I fell and it bled all over the place and now I have to get blood stains out of the carpet. For all these reasons I was feeling pretty depressed, so I didn't do something that I said I would for a friend and I now feel guilty on top of everything else.

I keep wondering why God doesn't just SHOW UP! He doesn't have to heal my paralysis or make me win a million dollars or anything like that. But it would be nice if my mom would send me 50 bucks or my illness would clear up on its own. It's really hard to trust that he really DOES see me, the way I hope he does, when I have all of these problems and it seems to just be one thing after another. I know he doesn't feel the need to prove himself to us, but it would be nice if he just WOULD sometimes, and faith would seem like more of an obvious answer and less of a foolish choice.

o lovely day

2010-03-22T12:10:00.003-07:00

This pretty much sums it up.

Sorry it's been so long...

2010-03-16T11:05:00.002-07:00

I guess I just haven't been in the mood for posting. I have been doing stuff though: I crocheted one hat (this time with a brim! A first for me.) and I'm finishing up a second. I'll try to take pictures of them, when I can. Tracy and I also took a walk around Udall park, and went to Lowe's to get paint samples, since we're thinking about painting our apartment. Very exciting.

A few days ago I remembered how much I love making stuff with my hands, thus the crocheting. The only problem with it is that it's easy to spend all day in my house working on a crochet project, which isn't good. I may have to explore Tucson to find some ideal crocheting environments. Plus, I've found in the past that it can be a really good conversation starter. I find that the most unexpected people enjoy crocheting sometimes, so it can be a fun way to meet different personalities.

Good Music

2010-03-09T08:34:00.006-07:00

Ryan Bingham recently won the Oscar for Best Song, for "The Weary Kind" from Crazy Heart. I really love his gritty, strumming-that-guitar-on-a-lonely-desert-night-next-to-the-fire music. Since I don't have the money to buy the album right now, I've been listening to it here, on his website. I definitely recommend it!

New Title?

2010-03-06T01:20:00.003-07:00

I've decided to try out this new title. I have really been affected by Genesis 16:13 lately, where the pregnant servant girl Hagar runs away from Abraham and Sarah, and God finds her in the desert next to a spring, and tells her that her child will build a great nation. She responds by calling Him "the God who sees me." Being seen by God is so important to me; throughout my life some of my worst sins have come when I felt like I wasn't seen or valued.

I was originally going to go with "Springs in the Desert," but it seemed a little too cliche for a Christian girl that lives in the desert. Then I discovered that Hagar's name actually means "stranger," which seemed perfect. I often feel like a stranger here in Tucson: I don't know the city very well, I don't always feel at home here, I'm trying to fit in (and often failing). Plus, it's a little awkward, like me. Perfect. Anyway, we'll see how long I continue to love it.

Results

2010-03-04T18:17:00.004-07:00

I did get the oil changed in my car. The shop also told me that I needed a belt replaced in my engine--I guess you could say that's avoiding a pit, since it's better to find out now than when several of the mechanical aspects of my car stop working because the belt broke. Luckily my fellow church-goer Jeff was able to look at it and give me an estimate far lower than that of the franchise repair shop.

I didn't schedule a doctor's appointment, but I have the excuse that getting the car taken care of took far longer than I would have expected. I did go to Walgreen's and get some stuff to manage the symptoms, though.

Also, I went to a park in my neighborhood. I drove, but I suspect I could get there by wheeling myself through the neighborhood. I saw some cool-looking birds, and a cactus that looked like a gigantic jackrabbit when I saw it from behind a bush. Sad that it didn't turn out to be one.

Pits and Snares

2010-03-04T10:05:00.004-07:00

Ah, Lent. I knew it would get rough, and it has. For the past few days, I've experienced some pits and snares that have made it difficult to want to get out of the house, and of course, what else could I find to do around my house but play on the computer? I should emphasize the "WANT" word in that previous sentence, because being sick and needing the oil changed in my car aren't legitimate reasons to avoid leaving the house. If anything, they are better reasons to leave, because they give me specific errands like going to the doctor or the repair shop. But for some reason it's a pattern in my life that the more I have to do, the less I want to do it.

So, I WILL get my oil changed and I WILL make a doctor's appointment today. And maybe take a roll around the park, too, if I feel a little bit better. And I ask God for protection from any more pits along the way.

Precious

2010-02-28T14:10:00.004-07:00

Tracy is trying to watch as many of the movies that are up for Best Picture as possible before the Oscars are on, so yesterday I went to the second-run theater with her to watch Precious. The movie is about a young black woman named Precious who lives in New York. She is still in junior high school, even though she is 16 years old. She is extremely overweight. Both her mother and her father are sexually abusive toward her; she already has one child by her father and is pregnant with a second. She is about to get kicked out of school because of her pregnancy, but one of her teachers discovers that she is good at math, so recommends her for a small alternative school, which gives her the chance to get out of her terrible living conditions and have a better life.

I heard about the film quite a while ago, and I wanted to see it because it had gotten really good reviews as a dramatic story about hope in the midst of economic and emotional poverty. I'm not really sure that it was a good decision, though, because of the effect that it has had on me since I watched it.

First, stories like that are really tough for me anyway because I feel other people's emotional pain pretty intensely, to the point where it can be hard to distinguish between things that happened to them and things that happened to me. Part of this has to do with what I sometimes experience when I'm hearing somebody else's story: it plays like a movie in my mind, and I'm right there with them while it's happening. Spiritually, people call this the gift of mercy, being able to feel for others what God feels for them. That's interesting to me, that God suffers with us because he's there in the midst of it, without any of the emotional blocks that we tend to put up to save ourselves from the overwhelming grief that being fully present would bring. It's a good gift, in that it sometimes allows me to show others God's truth about the spiritual wrongness in what happened to them, but it can also be hard on me when I watch movies like this where the characters experience really painful things.

Second, I'm not entirely sure that that kind of story should even be put to film. Kudos to the producers and directors for wanting to show the world the torture that some people in our own country experience on a day-to-day basis. For those who aren't aware of it, it could be a good wake up call. But it seems to me that stories about that kind of abuse should be told and heard in a safe environment. When they are instead experienced in a darkened movie theater, without the safety net of community and prayer, they take on the aspect of a horror movie painted over with the thin veneer of an art film. Throughout the movie, and especially the scenes filmed when Precious was at home with her mother, I felt a creeping sense of fear that at any moment someone was going to take out a knife and start indiscriminately stabbing people with it. I guess that demonstrates the sense of fear and hopelessness that exists for men and women living in situations like that, but I think it's a sin to communicate that without also communicating the redeeming hope that God has for them.

Which brings me to my third point: when stories like this are told, I think it's absolutely imperative to recognize the presence of the Savior, even in the midst of all the overwhelming darkness. After I got out of the movie theater, I felt like I had been assaulted by all the things I didn't want to know or see that were in that film. The only solution I could think of was to take a long drive up Mount Lemmon and start to pick my feelings apart by praying to God about them. Unfortunately, He was largely missing from the movie, and I think that's where my sense of perpetual dread came from. As long as Jesus is in the picture, there is always a sense of hope of better things, whether they come in this life or have to wait until the next. Without Him, each of us is at the mercy of a heartless and unforgiving world. Knowing that is the only way for me to survive in a world where I know the things I saw in that movie really do happen.

Forgive Us, For We Know Not What We Do

2010-02-24T14:53:00.002-07:00

Forgive Us, For We Know Not What We Do

Posted using ShareThis

An article somewhat related to my post below, from Relevant Magazine. Boy, do I know what the author means about being attached to being right.

Watch out for the plank!

2010-02-24T13:28:00.005-07:00

The last couple of days have been kind of rough as I've somehow gotten wrapped up in thinking about everything that's wrong in my relationships with other people. I'll confess that I let myself get sucked into computer games in order to avoid the subject, breaking my Lenten fast and making me feel worse about everything. Today's page in my verse-a-day calendar happened to have Matthew 7:3: "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?" Good question, Jesus. It was particularly timely in that my pastor also talked about this verse in his message this week.

So, in favor of removing planks and diving back into Lent with a strengthened resolve, I've decided that instead of just quitting games cold turkey, I will use them a little more creatively, as a reward. For each hour I spend on improving my life, and doing things like volunteering, babysitting for friends, rolling around the park, devotional journaling and art, etc, I get to have 15 minutes of time playing computer games. These I get to cash in at night after 5pm and on weekends, but I have to do it outside the apartment, like at a coffeeshop or the library.

I guess it's sad that I'm not disciplined enough to do this without any kind of reward, but hopefully starting out this way will help me to build perseverance over time. Also, in order to keep track of how much game time I get, I will also have to keep track of how much time I spend productively, which I think will be a good reality check for me.

Loneliness v. Solitude

2010-02-22T11:37:00.012-07:00

I'm glad for the warm, summery colors on my blog today, because it's gray and rainy here in Tucson. I know that some people love rainy days...I say, I moved here cuz it's supposed to be sunny all the time!

Going back to my Jeremiah post awhile ago, I think that one of the things God has been doing in my life through my disability is putting me in situations where I am often alone. Now, being alone definitely isn't a new struggle for me; in fact, some of my worst sins have come out of desperate attempts to avoid feeling lonely. Wise friends say that the journey toward God isn't a straight road but rather a spiral, wherein we don't come across new roadblocks, so much as old ones that reappear at deeper and deeper levels.

Unfortunately, my paralysis didn't just take away my ability to walk, it also took away jobs that I might've had and activities that I loved to do; it's contributed to damage done to old friendships and reduced my ability to make new ones. I don't want to have a pity party about this stuff, especially since I know that my own sin has contributed to a lot of it, but I do want to establish why I'm more often alone now than I was before my accident. God's blessing is that in any situation we always have a choice as to how to perceive it, how to react. The Enemy's way is for me to feel lonely and run away by blaming it on my disability or doing other things to escape. God's way is to take the opportunity to learn solitude--peace that comes when it's just me and God and I know that I don't need anything else, including the things that the accident has temporarily taken away from me.

Solitude: a chance to hear God's voice, to know that he is sad for my loss and he has those "plans to give me hope and a future" (Jer 29:11) even in the midst of this exile from able-bodied life. A chance to think, as I am now, about why he allowed it to happen, to pray for what I want out of it and know what he might want me to do with it. And on a more profound level, time to let God's light shine into the darkness that surrounds me when I'm alone, and know the truth that I am never really alone because he is always with me.

New Template

2010-02-21T10:48:00.002-07:00

So in honor of my friend the bluebird, I decided to get a new template with some of his colors in it. Such beautiful contrasts, I love it!

My friend the bluebird

2010-02-18T11:54:00.009-07:00

So far I've been enjoying Lent. Yesterday I initiated my service portion of Lent and volunteered in my friend Karen's sixth grade English class as they worked on some essays, then helped babysit for some friends while they went out on a date. Spending time with kids is good for me, I think. It's fun to just watch them be innocent and silly, though in the case of the sixth graders it was kind of sad to see the ways that they are so eager to shed that innocence.

This morning I decided to go to the park and wheel around the pathways there. I wanted to pray and connect with God as I did it; that didn't go so well, but I was able to enjoy being in his creation. I happened to see a Western bluebird while I was there (I also happened to have my handy-dandy Audobon guide with me to help me identify it) which was a blessing because I love bird watching. Even though I wasn't able to say what I would have liked to God while I was praying, I felt like he was talking to me by giving me the gift of the bluebird, showing me how beautiful and amazing this world is even in the midst of its heart-breaking sinfulness. It's small moments like that, that encourage my faith in him as the God who sees me and is the refresher of my soul.

Lent, and relief from computer games

2010-02-16T12:28:00.004-07:00

I've been feeling kind of down these last few days. Not for any specific reason, really, more a mixture of not having a job, feeling uncertain about what to do with my life, and a compulsive need to play computer games that has lately bordered on the obsessive...luckily, Lent starts tomorrow, so I have a motivation to fast the games and think about what God is doing/wants me to do. My church puts some emphasis on following the church calendar, so they've given us some ideas about participating in Lent. We're supposed to spend the time we would have otherwise spent on the thing from which we are fasting on praying and thinking about God, confessing our sin, and being a missionary (or doing some tangible godly service to the people that we come into contact with on a day-to-day basis). Also, I want to try to do at least the thinking about God and maybe some of the confessing (to Him at least) outside enjoying His creation. I know Lent may be tough, but I'm actually kind of excited about doing this stuff. With any luck, it will be bloggable stuff, so you'll get to hear about it!

Me and Jeremiah

2010-02-12T11:55:00.004-07:00

I'm trying to get all the way through the Bible right now (I started out last summer meaning to do it all in three months, now I'm hoping to just get it done by this coming summer...we'll see what happens). I claim to believe in the Christian God, so I figure it would be nice if I could read the whole book that that belief is supposed to be based on.

I'm at Jeremiah now, which is basically a record of the prophecies he heard from God that Judah and Israel would be defeated by the Babylonians because of their sins, especially idol worship. God asked them through Jeremiah to give in to His judgment against them and surrender to Babylon so that they could keep their lives. Reading the book has made me think about my paralysis and the accident that caused it. My thoughts are still pretty nebulous, but I thought I'd throw some questions out there and try to respond to them over the next little while. So, am I in my own version of the Babylonian exile? Chapter 18 compares the exile to God's work in shaping his people; is this what God wants to do with me through my paralysis?

The exile doesn't last forever though; chapter 30 says that in spite of the people's present pain they will be healed by God himself. Am I wrong or right to believe that in spite of all indications to the contrary, I will one day be healed again?

And in chapter 29, God tells the people to build houses and settle down in Babylon. One verse that seems to be quoted quite often from Jeremiah is 29: 11: "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." It's interesting to me how that verse often seems to be quoted with the intention that God always means to do good and wonderful things for us, and yet it's in the middle of a passage about how he intends to take his people out of their homes and cast them into a land far from there! Do I need to settle down into my paralysis and quit praying to be healed right now? Am I sinning by constantly asking that things change? Or is it okay to keep asking in the present while knowing that God will likely not answer those prayers for some time? Or am I sinning by believing that I can know anything about God's timing on these things?

Anyway, that's what's on my mind. I'll post more if/when the answers come.

Boooooo...

2010-02-10T12:30:00.001-07:00

Just got an e-mail from Geico. Apparently "other applicants more closely fit the criteria." Boooooo...I'm just glad I don't have insurance with them or I would probably have to change it.

Waiting...waiting...

2010-02-10T12:00:00.002-07:00

Waiting is not my favorite thing...especially when it's something that I really want. Geico hasn't called me back yet, and I'm starting to get scared that they never will. It's okay either way, I know...it's not like, my dream job or anything, but it would be nice to have the money and a regular schedule.

On the bright side, though, Tracy and I now have internet! So hopefully that will mean I will be posting more often. Which may be a good way to keep me from getting consumed in stupid internet games and movies, since they aren't that exciting to blog about. Unfortunately, getting consumed by the web is always a temptation for me. If it seems like I'm mostly posting about online things, feel free to demand that I get out of the house and take some pictures or something.

Jesus answers prayer...

2010-01-28T17:43:00.004-07:00

So, I don't have a job exactly, but I did get an interview. Before my car accident I interviewed with Geico for a claims adjuster position. The day I posted last, I was looking at job sites and a Geico position popped up, so I applied for it. Shortly thereafter, the man who interviewed me 18 months ago called me again and asked if I would come do another interview for them. I did today, and he said that they would like me to come in again on Monday! Yay God!

I've been sort of indecisive about whether I should reapply at Geico because part of me has been afraid that maybe my accident happened because I was doing something wrong and God wanted to change the course of my life. But after the man called me, I started to think that was silly. Our God is a God of justice and of mercy. Even if Geico isn't the place where I can do the utmost good for Him, putting me through a catastrophic car accident is a disproportionately violent way of preventing me from being there; He wouldn't do that. The accident happened because we live in a screwed up, sinful world--not in order to punish me or prevent me from doing something. To think otherwise is to call God a tyrant and a liar, which he isn't.

If you think of it, pray for me on Monday. I'm going in for some kind of "role playing" time where they can take a preliminary look at how I would do in the position. I'm a little nervous because the job is going to involve a lot of telling people things they don't want to hear (e.g. "We're not paying for the damages on your car.") and that's not my favorite thing to do.

Finding a job

2010-01-25T16:03:00.002-07:00

Finding a job is an extremely daunting task for me. Even under normal circumstances it's hard because of all the opportunities for rejection that play on my fears that I'm not good enough, not smart enough, not doing enough with my life. With the down economy it's even worse. I avoid looking at the job sites because it's depressing to see that there's so little available that I would want to do, which of course ironically makes it impossible for me to find the things that are out there. But I'm tired of being poor (I looked at my checking account and it only had $7 in it! luckily there's still some in savings). Jesus, please help me find something that I am willing and able to do...

Where the Wild Things Are

2010-01-22T17:06:00.003-07:00

I like this movie. I don't know if it's really that great for kids--it's kind of emotionally intense in some parts and I think as a kid it would have confused me--but I thought it had some pretty true things to say about the ups and downs of relationships. I already saw it once when it first came out but I think I'll go watch it again this weekend.

Maybe I'm too naive, but...

2009-08-28T10:52:00.002-07:00

I really like that this guy, Tim Tebow, is using his success for a good thing. He's now a star for the Florida Gators, but he was raised by missionary parents in the Philippines, and he has used his success to raise money for an orphanage there. The story is here.

Well, I did something

2009-08-14T16:38:00.002-07:00

Okay, whew, it's not quite a week since I last posted, so I don't have to endure the eye rolling, haha. Well, maybe I do...I didn't quite manage to take advantage of any volunteer opportunities. BUT, I did apply for a job! It's with a non-profit that promotes HIV/AIDS awareness, called TIHAN. They wanted someone to sort of create pamphlets for the religious communities in Tucson to increase their awareness of the virus. I don't know if I'm quite what they wanted...but hey, I put my resume out there!
Also, I did at least go to the local library, even though I forgot to ask about volunteer opportunities when I was there. Well, at least there's some movement in that direction, eh?

Back in Town

2009-08-07T09:23:00.002-07:00

Well, I am back in Tucson. Yay!!!! The last year's journey has been a long one, but it has finally brought me home.

We had a long drive down from Idaho. My friend Julie came up to help pack, and drive, and generally to exert her calming influence over me and my parents. The first few days in Tucson were spent at the Seneca House (where Julie lives) while my roommate Tamaki and I looked for an apartment. Luckily, the one that Tamaki had already found ended up working out best, so it was easy to just sign the paperwork and hand over the money.

Our new apartment is beautiful! It has large rooms that are easy for me to navigate, and an especially large bathroom across the hall from my bedroom. It is silly, not to say sometimes depressing, how much my life revolves around having an accessible bathroom...but God has really blessed me with that, in our new place.

So, now it's time to get down to business: facing my same old problem of being a new graduate from college who doesn't have a job. It's funny how that is still there, in spite of everything that's happened. I'm thinking I'll start out by finding a place to volunteer, like reading books to kids at the library or something. Anyway, building up momentum to even visit or call those places always seems to be the hardest part...if I don't post something here about volunteering in the next week or so, you have my permission to roll your eyes at me.

Free Coldplay

2009-07-15T21:59:00.002-07:00

I really enjoy Coldplay. I have this really magical memory of listening to their song Clocks while driving fast down a long, almost-empty road at night with some high school friends. It was the night after the last day of school, my sophomore year in high school. There were clear stars up above and green fields all around, so the air smelled like fresh green things and had that coolness that comes from a breeze off the river. I stuck my hand out the window and let the wind passing the car blow it up and down...I remember that every time I listen to the song.
Coldplay recently put out a live album as a thank you to their fans. You can download it for free on their website, coldplay.com.

Support Using Adult Stem Cells!

2009-06-09T20:03:00.004-07:00

FDA Violates Mandate - The Philadelphia Bulletin Archives

Shared via AddThis

I was informed about this article on a website (www.apparelyzed.com) for people who are paralyzed. It is very interesting; the basic message is that the FDA is preventing companies from researching adult stem cells by calling them a "drug." Adult stem cells are one of the most promising lines of research for curing many disorders, including neurological ones like mine. Most of you are probably familiar with embryonic stem cells--these are similar, but don't involve the destruction of a human embryo to obtain them. In fact, they are taken out of a person, cultured in a lab, then reinserted into the same person. Seems like a pretty simple solution to a major ethical problem.

If you want to know more about the issue and/or support doctors in their efforts to get the FDA to change its rules, go to SafeStemCells.org.

This makes me happy

2009-06-02T14:54:00.004-07:00

My friend gave me a link to this website where a guy draws postcards for people that send him reasons that they are unhappy. This is my favorite, probably because I like eating burgers and taking naps:

An anonymous person is just sad.

I made this postcard to cheer you up. It has a fox and a burger. The burger is packed with nutrients that are an important part of a fox diet and this makes the fox very happy. The fox will eat the burger and then take a nap.

The website is here.

Yearning

2009-05-07T10:57:00.007-07:00

We're going through Job at Bridgepoint, the church I attend. I read a little of that book today, plus part of a psalm the pastor paired with it.

I know that my Redeemer lives,
and that in the end he will stand upon the earth
And after my skin has been destroyed,
yet in my flesh I will see God;
I myself will see him,
with my own eyes--I and not another.
How my heart yearns within me!
-Job 19:25-27

May your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord,
even as we put our hope in you.
-Psalm 33:22

Here's my response, in an acrostic poem:

You promise us faith, love and protection
Every hour, every day;
And every hour, every day, this world claims a little more of our bodies, hearts and minds.
Resting in the knowledge that this will
Not always be true of our existence

Is so hard, Lord!

No person is yet perfected--
God, let your mercy be upon us.

God in Science

2009-05-05T16:18:00.004-07:00

The other day my facebook friend and former teacher posted this as something she saw a student wearing:

I think it's interesting how many Christians see valuing life on earth as being opposed to valuing life in Christ. I believe that God made this planet and every being on it, and he values it as his creation.
I also think it's interesting that many humanist/atheists believe that Christianity is opposed to science. It's true, many Christians do take the attitude articulated on the shirt above. However, in my view God is the greatest scientist of them all. He put this earth together, and created all the amazingly complex rules and regulations that keep it working. I see science as just another avenue for exploring more about who God is and how he works in this world.
Even further, I see science, and more specifically medicine, as a major source of God's mercy upon human beings. I felt a lot of hope today when I read the newspaper: the woman who recently received a face transplant has revealed her identity. (Link )Her face was destroyed when her husband shot her in the head. Before the transplant, she had no nose and no tongue, and therefore couldn't smell or taste. People stared at her and made fun of her. Now, while her looks are not completely normal, she able to smell and taste again, and her face is no longer twisted with major scars.
When I read the article, I felt this surge of joy and thanked God for redeeming her life that way. Less than ten years ago, a surgery like that would have been unimaginable. Now, it is unusual but not impossible. I hope that God will continue to guide scientists to similar answers for people with paralyzing injuries like mine.
This world absolutely destroys our bodies, whether through violence or accidents or just the passage of time. I thank God that it won't always be like that, that one day all the world will be perfectly redeemed. But I also thank him that in the meantime he shows us moments of great mercy, and ask that His mercy would continue to fall on me.

Bad News, Good News

2009-04-30T18:54:00.007-07:00

So, I have two major news items today. I'll start with the bad because then we can end on an up note: as much as I wanted to move to Tucson in June, I am not going to be able to do it. For more than six weeks now I have had a sore on my foot, and it just will not heal. It is now infected, and the doctors say that the infection could spread to the bone if it doesn't get better. I want it to be done and gone before I even think about moving to another city.
Also, there are several skills that I want to have before I move. I want to be able to get my wheelchair back up if I flip it over, which I have done now several times. If I do it while I am home alone and I can't right it myself, I might have to wait hours before I can reach anybody to help me get up. I also want to be able to get up off the floor. I've only fallen forward out of my wheelchair once, and that was in a circumstance that I would probably never encounter at home, but I do want to be able to sit on the ground to play card games or garden or whatever. If I'm able to do that, I just might even be able to get in and out of the bath tub to take a bath, something that I have really missed since my accident.
Also, I want to be able to drive. My accident probably happened at least partially because of my lack of experience with driving, so I definitely need to become totally comfortable with it. Since my feet don't work, I need to learn how to use a hand control, which just involves a lever attached to a stick that pushes on the gas when you push it and pushes on the break when you pull it.
Speaking of driving, here's where we come to the good news: I have a new car! (Well, new to me) It is a 2006 Honda Civic LX. I think it is supercute and it's really well-equipped for a person in a wheelchair. It has a ton of room between the driver and the steering wheel so I can get my chair over my lap and into the passenger side. It also has a nice big trunk so that the chair can go in there if I have passengers. All that's missing are hand controls and a name! I'm totally excited about this, because even though my move to Tucson is being postponed, this car will make it so much easier to live there once I am ready.
Here's a picture of the car from the dealer's website, I'll try to get one with me in it soon, if I can.

Struggling to hope

2009-04-21T18:59:00.005-07:00

Okay, I give in. Time to repent. I'm struggling with what I should write here, so forgive me if that's obvious. I wanted to start my blog out easy, but apparently God wanted to pull more out of me than that. Today has been difficult. Sometimes it just hits me harder than usual how much I lost in the accident, and I break down crying because it's hard to believe that I can get it back. But if that were true, wouldn't I be dead?
I read over my older posts and came across the one about daydreams. Someone commented on it the day after my accident, how they hope I still won't give up on giving God the chance to blow my mind. I think that gave me a mini-breakdown... I so want to believe that God will grant me the miracle of healing, that he will heal the burn and the sore and take away the swelling in my thigh and the bone spurs in my hip and reconnect the nerves in my spine to those in my legs. There's a song in the musical Jesus Christ Superstar called "Could We Start Again, Please?"...I so want that to the very depths of my soul and I am so afraid that like Jesus I am already crucified, and there is no resurrection waiting for me on the other side.
Then there have been times over the past months that something will happen and I will believe that God has told me that he will heal me. And not in a metaphorical way, like I'll stop feeling bad about the paralysis and come to deep inner peace or something, but that he will literally make me walk again on this earth, gospel style. It's a little embarrassing; the part of me that didn't believe in God two years ago rolls it eyes and viciously tells me I'm so stupid to think that.
So I guess that's how I'm really feeling. It's not neat or pretty, but it's true.

I'm back!

2009-04-21T13:25:00.005-07:00

Agh, it's been so long since I've posted that I literally forgot what my blog's web address was and had to link to it through another website where it's posted. I think part of continuing to recover from my accident involves reclaiming stuff I sort of lost in it, including the blog. So, I'm going to start with something easy, like posting this music video. I saw it on TV the other day. I think it's super cute and friendly, and it made me long to own a blue jumpsuit.

Goin' to the Country, Eatin' a lotta Peaches

2008-07-26T23:04:00.002-07:00

I went to Willcox today with my friend Cheryl from church and her friend Amy. Unfortunately I don't own a digital camera, so I don't have any of my own pictures to post. I found this painting online.
There's something really satisfying about picking the fruit right off the tree and popping it into the bucket...or into my mouth. The peaches were really beautiful: pink and gold against the green of the tree leaves and the blue of the sky. There were a few different kinds--some of them were smooth and sweet, others more firm and tart. It was fun being out there with all the families. When we were on the tractor out to the part of the orchard where the peaches were, a mom and her little boy were sitting next to me. She asked him if he was having fun on his birthday and he grinned and nodded. Picking peaches on a bright and sunny day sounded like a perfect birthday to me.
We also went to a produce stand on the other side of the farm. I got tomatoes, garlic, jalapeños and sweet corn. When I got home, I sliced up the ripest peaches and put them in the freezer so that they won't go bad. Then I stir-fried some of the sweet corn with garlic, chilies, salt and pepper. It was delicious.
When I was a kid, my dad used to do a big garden every year, with lettuce, tomatoes, peppers, onions, potatoes. We would eat from it all throughout the summer. Going to Willcox reminded me how much I would like to have a lot of land someday, and to produce food from it. I would want to have chickens and goats and maybe a horse. Lots of cats and dogs. A bunch of fruit trees and a big garden plot. A porch with a comfy couch where I could watch the sunset. I want to connect with the miracle that you can put small seeds in the ground and they will grow into things that will feed your body and sustain your life. God is so good, that he made the world that way.

Teaching in China

2008-07-13T21:26:00.004-07:00

In the New York Times I found an article about a book that someone wrote about his experience living and teaching English in China. I haven't actually read the book yet; you can read the article here. The picture that went with the article is of a guard tower in Bejing from the early 20th century. When I was in Beijing I took a picture of a very similar building in Tiananmen Square from nearly the exact same angle. It's amazing how different the city is now. You can see the comparison above.

The article made me think of my trip to China and how much I used to want to go teach English there for a significant period of time. I would still want to go if I could. It would need to look different than I originally imagined--namely I would need a supportive community of people there--but I think it could be an amazing experience.

The book describes the daily life in the hutong neighborhood that the man lived in. It made me remember that one of my favorite things about my time there was just going and walking around the neighborhood around our hotel. There were people all over in the street: playing, reading, talking, going to the market. I could go get roast duck and hot noodle soup from the many street vendors that set up shop in the alleyways. It was great, I wish I could live in a neighborhood like that here in America, and I think I would enjoy living that life in China while I taught English.

2008-07-13T21:14:00.002-07:00

Two Catholic priests in China have disappeared in police custody. If you think of it, please pray for them. You can find a blurb about them here.

Roxy

2008-07-06T16:23:00.003-07:00

Exciting thing that happened this weekend: I adopted a dog! I decided to name her Roxy. She's a little black terrier with a bit of Shar Pei thrown in. Basically that means she's pretty dang silly looking. But she's also pretty cute. I'm going to pick her up from the pound on Monday. Hopefully I'll be able to post better pictures of her sometime soon. This one is from the pound website.

Making myself do this thing

2008-07-01T20:42:00.003-07:00

So honestly blogging is pretty difficult for me. I often have a hard time believing that my life is interesting, which makes it even more important, I think, to step up and claim the cool things that are or could be in my life. In an attempt to actually do this blogging thing, I'm going to commit to posting something twice a week. Sometime during the week, Monday through Thursday, I want to post something interesting that I found somebody else doing, that I may potentially want to do someday. On the weekend, Friday through Sunday, I want to post something interesting that I am doing, or have done in the past week, whether that be art or going somewhere cool or writing a poem. I don't know who if anybody reads this blog, but feel free to keep me accountable to this if you do.

My first post is about a family at my church who is building a modern-day homestead in the Arizona desert. You can find their adventures here. Basically they are hand-building a very small house on a huge plot in the middle of nowhere. I think it's beautiful, exciting and inspiring.

Reading the blog reminds me of historical fiction books I used to love when I was a kid, about pioneers and the Wild West. I have often dreamed about going beyond the edges of civilization and making a life for myself outside of the bounds of contemporary society. Just me and a huge monster-sized dog for company and protection. I would stay in some tiny cabin and only go back to buy food and some new books every few months. How long could I stay out there, just with my thoughts and those of the authors I read to entertain me? I think it would make a very good life for awhile, but would I get lonely? I think of the story of Into the Wild, where the young man ends up dying in his search for total freedom. It seemed that for him, his quest became like an addiction, where he could never go quite far enough to get away from the things he wanted to escape. I guess I would only be able to stay away for so long before I would want to come back, but it seems like I might be able to discover some pretty awesome things about myself while I was outside all distractions and claims on my time and thoughts.

so I decided to get less serious...

2008-05-07T19:57:00.003-07:00

about this whole blogging thing. I looked at the stuff that I've posted and felt a little sad that it's a lot of complicated ramblings about how unhappy I've been. Where is the joy? So I decided to start counting my blessings rather than complaining about my problems, and do some simpler ramblings about things that I am happy about, at least for awhile.

I've finally found an apartment to move into after I leave the dorms. I signed for it the other day, and got to go inside. It's just down the way from the Seneca House, which is a pretty nifty location as far as I'm concerned. It has a really sweet balcony with a big shady tree right outside that is currently in the process of blooming these really pretty orange flowers. I'm going to start moving my stuff in this weekend, but first I'm planning on going over there and going through it with delicious-smelling cleaning supplies :) because right now it kind of smells.

I got a 98% on my archaeology paper that I didn't finish until 2am the night before (or even start until like two days before). This at least was a confirmation that despite an intense semester-long attack of senioritis, I am not a total failure at school. In fact, I might even still be good at it if I really tried...

And I've had the opportunity to reconnect with a friend from high school, who knew me long before I was a Believer. As an Episcopalian herself, she was very influential in keeping me open-minded about God. It makes me feel less disconnected from that time in my life, to be able to talk about God and religion with her now, from a totally different perspective. It gives me something solid to remind me that God was doing really cool stuff in my life long before I knew Him.

So yeah, I think God is pretty dang good--I'm just a big whiner. Now it's here in writing, just in case I forget, which I undoubtedly will in a week or so.

Dreams

2008-03-26T22:19:00.003-07:00

When I was a kid, I used to get lost a lot in daydreams about all the things that I planned to do when I grew up. I dreamed about going to college, traveling in foreign countries, being a hero and saving people's lives...so many colorful things. Lying in my bed and staring off into space while creating different stories in my head was big part of my daily routine.

Last summer, one of those big dreams finally came true. I went to China to study and travel. Unfortunately, it wasn't much like I imagined...I was lonely and homesick and confused by the difference between the things I had dreamed and the reality. Instead of experiencing the joy of being in a foreign country I ended up shutting down and spending a lot of my time sticking to my hotel room watching any English-language program I could find on the television. There were some fun experiences, but the trip was mostly a big disappointment.

Over the last six months, that disappointment combined with some other hard things I was dealing with, completely shut off my ability to daydream. It seemed like life couldn't offer me anything I would possibly want. That made life after college seem so much scarier--if I couldn't think of anything I wanted to do, then how was I ever going to build a life I would enjoy? I prayed and prayed for God to give me back my dreams. I really think that they must be God-given, because as hard as I tried I couldn't bring them back on my own.

Over Spring Break, I had a lot of time to just lay in bed and watch TV. One day I turned to Animal Planet and on it there was this show called Animal Cops that shows the work that the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (SPCA) does to rescue abused pets. I thought suddenly that there was probably an SPCA or a humane society in Tucson, and I could go volunteer for them. And I could even get a pet of my own if I wanted (I decided that I wanted to get a black and white dog or cat and name her Betty Boop). And maybe I could also get a dog to foster while it was waiting for somebody to adopt it permanently, even though I would be really sad when it finally got adopted. And maybe even I would one day go back to school and study to become a vet tech. And...

Throughout all last week and this one I have had more and more thoughts like that, so many of them that I decided to start writing some of them down in my journal. Then this morning as I was rereading all of my dreams and listening to my iPod, the song "Eleventh Hour" by Jars of Clay came on. It has this lyric I really love that goes, "I won't give up on giving you the chance to blow my mind." It made me think about how hard but necessary it is to wait and trust that God wants to make my dreams happen for me, and that he will give me things far better than I ever could have imagined. I realized how excited I was to start praying for these things...then I realized that the fact that I had all these dreams was an answer to one of my greatest prayers of the last months. He's already blown my mind with the wonderful thing he's provided in giving me back my dreams, and it gives me hope that he will do so much more in making them come true.

Too Much of a Good Thing

2008-03-04T13:41:00.001-07:00

This morning I woke up at 4:30 AM and couldn’t fall back asleep. I was thinking about how my life has been going lately, and why I seem to have had a lot of trouble. More specifically I was thinking about how I’ve been interacting with other people and especially how and why I’ve been sinning against them.

I think that part of the problem is in finding the balance between independence and dependence. During high school and the first part of college I learned to be very self-sufficient, mostly because my parents, for various reasons, couldn’t or wouldn’t support me. However, learning to live without much support didn’t mean I stopped wanting or needing support from people—my needs just got covered over by a mask of competence and independence. Then the Village came into my life, and I met a lot of people who have been very supportive of me. Slowly my mask of independence has gotten stripped away. Unfortunately, this has revealed all of the suppressed neediness and longings underneath, and that has come out in the form of various demands on my friends that they can’t really meet.

While I was thinking and praying about it this morning, I was randomly reminded of the movie Spirited Away. In it a little girl accidentally enters the spirit world and ends up at a bathhouse for rich and successful spirits. One night she sees a spirit standing outside in the rain, looking at the fun things happening inside. She lets him in and leaves him to wander around. He soon figures out that people will pay attention to him if he gives them things that they want, like gold. In return for his gold, people feed him rich food and give him whatever he wants. He eats and eats and eats. Eventually, he calls for the girl and demands that she take his gold. She doesn’t want it, and won’t give in to his demands that she take it. Finally, she gives him a ball of special medicine that she had saved from earlier in her adventure. He eats it, and he begins to throw everything up. He screams, “What have you done to me?” and chases after her, violently ramming into things and still puking up all the nastiness inside him. The little girl finally leads him out of the bathhouse and into the sea. He keeps following her along her journey, until she reaches the house of a good witch that she has gone to for wisdom. The spirit decides to stay there and live simply, spinning thread and working for the good witch.

Right now, I feel like that spirit. I was alone on the outside and Jesus welcomed me into a community full of cool people and I was amazed to find that they actually enjoyed the things that I offered and gave me things in return. Sadly, I’ve become dependent on those things. I’ve insisted not only that my friends give me love and support, but also that they accept the things that I offer them. Luckily, Jesus knew what I needed and gave me friends that don’t just give in to my demands, but it’s made me puke up a lot of nastiness over the last few months and seriously question what God is doing in my life.

I guess I’m hoping now that this story will have a good ending for me like the one in the movie does. Isaiah 30: 19-21 says,

How gracious he will be when you cry for help! As soon as he hears, he will answer you. Although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them. Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying “This is the way; walk in it.”

This verse gives me hope that, having learned a lesson about ways I tend to sin against my community, I can follow Jesus on the right path toward a simple life where I am free from my own wild, confused demands on other people. Brennan Manning writes in his book Abba’s Child: “Spirituality is…a lifestyle: the process of life lived with the vision of faith. Sanctity lies in discovering my true self, moving toward it, and living out of it.” I think that is the vision of living at the house of the good witch: living simply in the quietness of who I am, unclouded by clinging demands upon other people. Now that I’ve seen the possibility of it through a movie, I pray that Jesus helps me to find what that looks like in my real life.

Ahead of my time?

2008-02-23T19:44:00.003-07:00

The other day a friend commented that as a Christian, she will often repeatedly hear about the value of certain Psalms or verses on certain themes and feel unaffected by them because she's heard about them so often. I responded that I agreed, but it was weird because those things weren't any less true years later than when we first heard them. Then another friend broke in and laughingly reminded me that I've only been Christian for less than a year.

Oh. Yeah. That's right...

It makes me think, why do I act like I'm so "old" as a believer? This isn't the first time I've been suddenly surprised by the reminder that I'm a "baby Christian," as one friend described it. I really want to have a mature faith, I suppose, that involves a complete understanding of God as my Savior. However, I think there is value in coming to God with a young faith. I could take comfort in the fact that this is new to me, that I don't have to have it all down right now, or ever. Why don't I?

I guess there are two things going on here. One is an honest hunger to know more about God. From the first moment, I have seen him constantly renewing and transforming my life. Like Paul, "I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord..." (Philippians 3:8). He's come into my life, and he's here to stay, so I really want to know more about him.

The other is my old broken cistern (Jeremiah 2:13) of finding my value in being competent and knowledgeable. Usually I don't do anything unless I do it well. Sometimes I question whether I would still want to follow Jesus if I couldn't believe that I was "good" at it. I honestly don't know the answer to that. I'm a sinner, and I don't actually do God's will all that well. It's totally false to believe that any insight I have into the way God works is as a result of anything but his grace.

I think God wants me to acknowledge my humanity as an incompetent sinner, but he also wants me to come to him humbly as a new, ignorant student who can receive his teaching. He wants me to stop believing that my worthiness is dependent on the things I know. And more than anything, he wants me to see that I can know as much Truth as I want, but none of that will matter unless I really believe it.

How I got here (the short version)

2008-02-12T23:22:00.001-07:00

The story that I want to tell here started the first day of my sophomore year of college when a group of young women moved into my dormitory at the University of Arizona. They were fun, friendly, welcoming—and a little terrifying, because they were also Christian. I didn’t believe in God then. I hadn’t since I was 15, and five years’ experience had taught me to be careful before I told anyone I was an atheist.

After awhile I got past my nervousness and got to know them better. At Thanksgiving I was welcomed to the house of some of the Elders at their church, the Village, and I spent a good chunk of that day loudly arguing with one of my new friends that I could never believe in God, even though I was fully aware that we were sitting at her pastor’s table. But even though I was stubborn and angry, they never once threatened to kick me out. Something in me began to trust that maybe I could be honest with these people without having to fear their reactions. With my fears of Christians beginning to crumble, I was actually able to look at the Bible and find out what God was really about.

Over Spring Break, I joined the young women of the Village on a Navigators’ service trip to a church in Mexico. On the first night as we settled in to sleep in a church near the border, I was feeling a little sick inside. What was I doing on this trip? How was I, an atheist, going to relate to all these Christians? I decided to open up the Bible and read for awhile. Cori, one of the Villagers on the trip, came and sat next to me and asked me what I was reading. I showed her Psalm 32:9:

Do not be like the horse or the mule

which have no understanding

but must be controlled by bit and bridle

or they will not come to you.

Cori responded that one interesting thing about the Gospel is that Jesus so often compares us to sheep. A cool thing about sheep is that they don’t have to carry burdens—unlike horses and mules. Before I fell asleep that night, I thought about what she said. Did I want to be a sheep or a mule? Did I want to give over my burdens or continue carrying them as I had all my life? I prayed to God that He would make me a sheep and take away my burden of fear of the people around me. The next day I felt truly different: I was able to sing and dance and talk to people without any fear. I told Cori at dinner that night what I had prayed, and how I had felt. She immediately jumped out of her chair and shouted, “It’s a miracle!”

That night I would pray to receive Jesus into my heart, and two months later (May 9, 2007) I would be baptized by the Village. That was how my journey began.